I just want to say that I'm really really.. realllyyyy... lucky.
I have wonderful friends, a few good qualities, lots of amazing opportunities, and life is good. It's definately going uphill.
I'm not going to lie, I'm freaking out about graduating. Haha- actually, I'm ecstatic and trepid at the exact same moment. I think part of that trepidation will go away when SCAD completely accepts me, though. Haha.
Then again, being accepted to SCAD brings the sad realization that I'll be leaving.. and going a whole 3.5 hours away from some of the best friends I've had in the short duration of my life.. but I've thought alot about it, and I think that it's something I need. Desperately. I need to get out of my comfort zone and branch out and just.. find out who I am. I think we talked about this in LA one day- it brings up the very interesting question/point:
Who is a person when they're taken away from the world with which they are familiar?
I'm excited to see how I change, and if I'll see things differently. Actually, I'm hoping I do. Because some of the things going on right now in my head leave alot to be desired.
A main thing I'm going to be working on hardcore from now on is learning about God and trying to soak it all in.. and becoming strong in my faith. Because right now- my level of committment is ziltch. I'm starting from scratch, I guess. It's not going to be easy.. and there are so many different deviations that are going to present themselves along the way and try to tempt me to give it up, but this time.. I'm looking at it as a test of my personal strength in general. Honestly, I have a lot of doubts. But deep down inside, I know that it's right and good and I need Him. I'm just really glad that He's put certain wonderful people in my life to help guide me and give me the strength to work on it. And I'd like to thank you, friend, for giving me a little bit of empowerment and hope to get the ball rolling. Your intelligence on the subject helped alot. :) <3
I'd say all of the other things that I need to work on.. but I have a good feeling they'll all fall into place when things improve in the aformentioned area.. :)
I love you.  

AHHHHH.

I just want to say that...
That was really enjoyable, but I want to render you unable to procreate for it.

With love,
Lauren.

Hi there. A part of me died yesterday.

I'm tired of holding you up on a pedestal because I thought you sincerely cared about me, and because I thought that since I was the only one to stick around when everyone had given up on you, that you'd give me at least a little credit.

I'm tired of jumping when you say jump.
I'm tired of this act.
I'm so freeking tired of this cycle, however prolonged the effects were this time, of being built up with false hopes that I meant something to you as an equal at least and then having you drop me like I was expendable.
I'm tired of being that throw rug.

And of trusting you and being betrayed.

I'm tired of being hurt, mostly.
And you know why I'm hurt?
Because I cared about you more than anyone else that you held up so far above me, when I deserved that adoration for sticking with you when you didn't deserve dirt. And still don't.
I'm tired of lying to myself about the fact that you don't really care about anyone but yourself.

I'm tired of you throwing my compassion away at the mere thought that someone more socially elite in your eyes was going to give you another chance..
I'm a fool for caring about you.

You don't deserve it.

And I've wasted so much time on you, just to hurt myself in the end.

I'm such an idiot for not listening to the people that I love.

It was blatantly obvious that I shouldn't have stuck around... because everyone knew that this would happen.
I'd like to say I hate you for this.
But its more like I hate myself for believing in something so remarkably fake.
And someone so empty.
Thank God Im leaving for two weeks- I can clear my head of you and then try to mend the relationships that actually matter that I've obliterated (unless its too late) because I cared too much about keeping our friendship at bay.
I'M SUCH A FREEKING IDIOT!
You know what else is sad?

The fact that you're just sitting there, unknowingly, in all your arrogant splendor.
I'm the best thing that ever happened to you.
Have a good life, jackass.

I'm deeply sorry to all of you that I may have neglected at any time...
And to those of you that have stayed by my side..

I love you more than you'll ever know. I don't deserve you one bit.

Wow.. you hurt me more than you'll ever know.
Listen.
I overlook your faults and even accept them as being part of who you are.
I love you for who you are. I just love you period.
I just wish you could do the same for me.
Love me for ME.
All of my idiosyncracies.
All of it.
Stop making me hate myself for everything that I may struggle in just because you hate YOURSELF.
ME. I am Lauren Lunsford... not a perfect person.
Friends are supposed to build you up, not break you down.
And I wish you weren't killing yourself slowly..
GAH. The main reason why you hate life so much is that you don't care about other people!
You're so self absorbed.. to a fault.
The funny thing is.. you're self absorbed, but also self loathing.
Gosh, watching you hate yourself has made me love myself more! I don't want to be like you.
I NEVER WANT TO BE LIKE YOU.
YOU'RE A PITIFUL EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING.
And yet, I still love you.
How is that possible?
Oh.. because of the beautiful potential that you have.
I just keep holding on to the idea of how wonderful you could be.
I believe that having my leg sawed off without anesthesia would hurt less than experiencing your wasted life.